Let the Adventures Begin!!

Hola! Just in case you've forgotten what I looked like, or wonder if I have gotten fat, here's proof that I'm alive, well, and still skinny-ish!! (I know, I know...it's the curse of the photographer to always be behind the camera and never infront!!)  For as hot as it's been here and as much as I've been sweating I think I could eat a whole pizza every day and still not gain weight! Yesterday the low was 80 degrees. They say we'll get used to it, but my question is when!?!  I think we have another month of hot temps before it starts to cool down a little, but we've started to get creative in the ways that we cool down. Some have learned to make their own popsicles out of the fruit juice we have at every meal, some run through the sprinklers that water the new sod in our backyard, some just jump in the pool with all their clothes on (3 weeks in and it's still happening at least once a week) and some head to the beach whenever possible. I'm not a beach person, but the breeze is greater and the water is cooler...so that's where I found myself yesterday! And the view isn't bad either!! 

I know, I know...tough life! 

We are all, for the most part, still in the honeymoon stage. Still not believing that we LIVE here and will continue to live here for the next 8 months. And while I am loving my tan, I definitely miss the 60 degree days of fall where you can wear jeans and a hoodie and drink a salted caramel mocha without dripping sweat into it. However, on a positive note I did discover today that the hot chocolate they serve has a hint of cinnamon in it so I can totally make my own caramel cinnamon mochas!!!!  BONUS!

The kids are now in their 3rd week of classes and have survived their first bible exam! They were excited to show me their grades, and I totally though about posting the 100's on my fridge! Gah! Totally a mom thing to do!! Who am I?? I'm definitely having more mom moments...like when a few of the girls went off on their first adventure/bus ride/home visit/overnight trip. They went with another missionary, Adrienne, who has become a fast friend of mine. She's awesome and I totally trusted her with the girls, but there's always that little bit of responsibility anxiety inside of me!! 

I'm sure there will be more of those moments to come as they start their ministry opportunities in the next couple weeks and are able to get out of the fenced in complex for some freedom, space and fresh air. But will totally have to trust God for their hearts, minds, words, protection and safety.  

Since we are starting to get into routines, were also trying to spice things up a bit and have some fun nights as well. Last Tuesday we all went out to dinner together and got some amazing Italian food. We also learned that seafood is good on pizza, Carter likes 5 lime wedges in his Coke, and its typical to be at a restaurant 2 hours before you actually get your food. I'm just wondering who it was that prayed for patience that day!! 

I also was able to take a day off last Thursday when I was invited on a 'hike'. So you know me...I had to get all prepared and matching and mentally prepared for a day that started at 6am! I was excited because some of the missionaries and their families were going and I love any opportunity I get some time with them to get to know them better, and having friends round that can speak English and translate for me!!

What I wasn't aware of (what NO ONE was aware of) was how many people were actually going and what 'hike' really means. I think we ended up with 20 Dominican adults and 6 of their children, 6 American missionaries and 4 of their children, 4 huge coolers, 2 jugs of water, 1 portable cook top, one tank of propane, a rake, 8 metal folding chairs, one domino table, a birthday cake and over a dozen fresh avocados...all in a bus for 4 hours as we drove up, over, and through mountains, valleys, and rivers! We finally set up camp around 11am after we found the perfect spot and from there just relaxed and played in the river. 

I am so grateful for these women!! It's still funny to me that even at home, the majority of my friends are either older or younger than I am...and few friends are my age, but down here the majority of the people around me are in their early thirties! 

I am fully convinced and aware that this was also part of Gods plan.

Later that afternoon we finally got our hike. Err, well should I say climbing adventure. There aren't any pictures of this simply because to get to the trail we had to cross the river and it was no crick folks...they had been releasing water into the river every hour so by the time we started our adventure it was 6 feet deep in parts and flowing at a good rate. Needless to say we had to calculate water speed, distance to the other side, angles and all that fun survival math stuff that Bear Grylls had prepared me for!! We had to swim hard and leave the camera back at camp. But we all made it safely across...maybe next time I'll remember to take my waterproof camera (Ugh...preparation fail on my part). There were 7 of us that made the hike, but what we didn't realize was that we had to climb vertically over hundreds of huge boulders to get to the cave (while soaking wet). Those days of YMCA rock wall and Circle C Wild West Adventure Town instructing came in handy!! (Also something God knew ahead of time) so after 30 minutes of climbing, jumping, pulling and pushing our way up, we all made it to the cave and it truly was worth the climb. We spent a few minutes there basking in Gods handiwork and catching our breath before heading back down. Coming down (for the most part) was easier than going up...but we prayed the whole time that the plants that we were using as anchors or trudging through weren't poisonous (Don't worry, they weren't). We got to the bottom, rode the raging river back to camp, dried off, changed, packed up and got ready for our 4 hour bus ride home. 

Hopefully this might be a place where we can take the kids...as long as we invite some our Dominican friends to make it a fiesta!! They sure know how to have a good time! But truthfully...i really went all in the name of excursion research!! ;)

(Sorry for the 'all about me part'...I know many readers want to see what the students are doing!!  But just be warned, there might be some personal posts among the weekly updates!)

We rounded out the weekend with a movie night in the Carter's apartment with cake, coffee, and snuggles (with each other and Jesus...not with me) and can hopefully make it a weekly or bi-weekly thing!! 

We've also got some fun things in the works for this week...but I'll tell you more about that next time! 

Please also keep us in your prayers, the honeymoon/vacation phase is coming to an end and satan knows how to attack each one of us. Pray that we can have peace while we're here, strength, good health and be good encouragers!! 

Gracias & adiós! 

Things that are awesome:

EVENING ONE-on-ONE CHATS (and getting to know the kids more)

DOWN TIME WITH NEW FRIENDS

BLANCO (our bus driver) 

AVOCADOS (still haven't gotten old yet!)

LAZY SATURDAYS

LEARNING A LITTLE BIT OF SPANISH EVERY DAY

Things that are not so awesome (but not horrible either):

HAVING MOM MOMENTS (kudos to all the moms out there!)

THE CONSTANT HUMIDITY

Phrase of the week:

"You can cuddle with Jesus"

2 week GAP-aversary!!

Its hard to believe we've all been together for 2 weeks already. On one hand it feels like we just got here and on the other hand it feels like we've been friends and family for years. God is continuing His faithfulness and it seems that just about everyday in my quiet time with Him, He shows me yet another scripture that I can not only apply to my life but to the experiences and lives of the students. Here's one from this morning that touched my heart:

Ezekiel 36:24-28 MSG
"For here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to take you out of these countries, gather you from all over, and bring you back to your own land. I'll pour pure water over you and scrub you clean. I'll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I'll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that's God-willed, not self-willed. I'll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands."

We're all out of our states, our country...we are gathered from all over. We're in a cleansing process, and being scrubbed, which at times is not fun and even painful. But its oh so good AND necessary!! We're figuring out what we have put in front of God that we never realized, what we are craving from home, what we are missing from home, what were/are our idols. New bodies are being developed, bodies that are uncomfortable because they are so new. Bodies with new hands, new eyes, new feet, bodies with new hearts...hearts for God.

Here's where we're learning the lessons to love God first, love others second and ourselves third. We're figuring out what that actually looks like and how difficult that truly is because of our selfish, sinful nature. How grateful we are for Gods Holy Spirit to help guide us and change our hearts that we don't have to figure it all out on our own.

We're learning discipline and self control. We're learning about teamwork, how to live with others, how to communicate with others, and how to trust others. We're learning what perseverance and dedication and self-control look like. We're learning Spanish and how to creatively study from Spanish charades to smartphone apps to labeling everything in the apartment.

And when I say we...I mean we. The kids AND me. We're all in this together (and yes I am silently singing and doing the dance moves to High School Musical in my head after that line) and we all signed up for this!!

We were able to finish our ministry tour this week, we spent some crazy awesome time with the women of the Lily House. We played some games and then had some amazing muffins and drinks and also heard one of the women's heroic and courageous testimony.

That night we also got to visit the local youth group and have some fun with them!!

On Saturday we headed to Pasitos de Jesus which is a girls orphanage where we got to play, sing, laugh and jump rope...those little faces can get anyone to do anything!!

And look...I even found me a Buffalo soccer ball!! Home is never too far away!

Later that day we headed over to San José to see all God has been doing over the past year and a half. It's amazing to see the progress and the lives changed for Jesus.

And then we rounded the day off with a healthy dose of family game night fun! 

Did I mention that we are so completely bored and aren't having any fun at all?!? Yah...right!! We're finding a good balance between work and play, chores and fun, and sometimes combine the two! Like in yesterday's yard work day. We gave the backyard a complete overhaul and worked tirelessly for 4.5 hours. But man does it look SO MUCH BETTER!! We had some scrapes and blisters and chopped down a tree with an axe which turned into a hatchet when the handle broke...but props to Allison, Melissa and Renee for bringing the tree down! Afterwards we all jumped in the pool fully clothed, which seems to be becoming the theme of this year!!

I'm finding that all in all i am both completely out of my comfort zone and in my comfort zone at the same time. I don't even know if that makes sense...but it's true. My previously set physical and emotional boundaries and lines are being stretched and blurred...the girls seem to want to cuddle ALL. THE. TIME. Gah!

I've also had some good conversations with some of the students and am trusting God in His timing and His wisdom for the conversations that are still to come. I know that this is a marathon and not a sprint and that some things take time. I pray for The Lord to reveal Himself throughout the next 8 months, for hearts to be changed and for personal relationships with Him to grow.

Can't wait to see what this week holds!

Things that are awesome:
AIR CONDITIONING
TACO TUESDAYS
SUNDAY NIGHT WORSHIP
NEW FRIENDS
SATELLITE TV TO WATCH FOOTBALL ON SUNDAYS

Things that are not so awesome (but not horrible either):
BUG BITES
SUDDEN DOWNPOURS

Commonly used phrases of the week:
"PREACH IT KELLI"

First Day of School!!!

I'd like to introduce you to the Dominican Republic GAP class of 2014! These are my kids all 13 of them...and I can now empathize with all the moms out there who have children in school...it's bitter-sweet. Well maybe a tad more sweet than bitter!!  

They started classes this morning, 4 hours of Spanish and then 2 hours of Bible class in the afternoon, which gives me 6 sweet hours of introvert-recuperation time (finally some time to blog)....And time to read and study on my own, as well as make plans for the upcoming week and helping with the other ministries that go on here at SCORE. 

The students have all been here for a week...this last week included orientation, a lot of rules, team building, and getting to know you time along with a lot of beach time and down time to just adjust to this new culture and climate. Most days average around 90 degrees and about 90% humidity...so we all "glow" more often than not and have been pretty exhausted. Everyone has seemed to settle into their apartments and some have gotten pretty creative with duct tape! They are all troopers...we are still working on getting Internet at the apartment, propane so we can use the stoves and little things seem to go a little wonky every now and them, but were all taking it in stride, knowing that sometimes we have to sacrifice our temporary comfort for an eternal purpose. Plus we all signed up for this!! 

There are 12 girls and one guy, and we couldn't have asked for a better one. He is outgoing, goofy, servant hearted, talented, athletic and easy going. He makes the girls laugh and can also laugh at himself.  It doesn't hurt either that he gets his own apartment were he can retreat and hide if he wants to! All of the girls are great and it's amazing how different yet how similar they all are. It has been an honor getting to know each one of them and i know i have only scratched the surface. I'm excited to start small groups and see what God will reveal to them and be able to see them grow and change and become more and more free as we work through all of the bunk and lies that satan has fed us all these years. Im also excited to share my story and all of the grace that i have been shown along the way, to share with them what an intentional relationship with Jesus looks like and how it has to be fought for...daily. But that the fight is so worth it. That i can now continue to use and apply and pay forward all of the lessons i have learned through Vintage and being poured into by leaders, mentors and friends. I believe that God has me here for that reason. That God put a broken-sinner-saved-by-grace woman in charge this year, that all the gifts and talents I have been blessed with will be used...and that I will be challenged and humbled and stretched more than I could have ever imagined. 

All in all we represent 9 states and all have different accents...Spanish class should be interesting and entertaining! And did I mention they're hilarious???  Here's their awkward family photo! 

They've definitely made me laugh, cringe, shake my head and invaded my personal space...but I'm learning that most things are (for the most part) safe and don't require helmets...or safety glasses...or bubble wrap...


We've started an exercise routine...Monday, Wednesday and Fridays we go out for a run at 7am, Tuesday and Thursdays we do strength training (thanks Crossfit!!) at the beach and Saturdays we do yoga on the beach.  I've been getting up even earlier to get some quiet time in before the chaos that could be that day and to make sure my mind and heart are full of reminders and truth. This last week has been full of late nights and early mornings, so I'm grateful for the routine that has started today as well. I'm a go with the flow kinda gal, but I love me some structure!!!  
 

God is continuing His faithfulness daily. Financial support keeps coming in and i am well over my goal...my cup is overflowing!!! I am also grateful for all the wonderful people who live here and who have been more than gracious when showing me the ropes or answering my hundreds of questions. It's also great to see that there are a lot of missionaries here that are in their early 30's as well, so that's been a lot of fun. I'm slowly getting to know them since I've been so caught up with getting to know and serving the students...but I'm excited to take some time in the next couple of weeks to get to hear more of the missionaries stories and personalities as well. 

Overall my first 11 days have been good ones, full of learning, self-discipline, laughter and tons of beans, rice and chicken.  I know not all days will be good, but I can and will persevere though them knowing that I'm exactly where God wants me to be...and will hold tight to the promise that He is always with me, He will never leave me, that when I am weak He is strong, and that He has an eternal plan for all of it!! 

Please continue to pray!! For the weather, the kids (and their hearts), safety, health, balance, self-discipline, rest, quiet time and just that we are able to love God and love others well!!!

Adios!! 

Things that are awesome: 

THE COFFEE (it has been my saving grace)

NAPS (I haven't taken one yet, but they will come in handy)

THE KIDS (Seriously I don't think I could have asked for a better group)

THE BEACH (no explication necessary)
THE AVOCADOS (they're humongous and delicious and cheap!!)

Things that are not so awesome (but not horrible either):

NOT BEING ABLE TO FLUSH THE TIOLET PAPER (the system can't handle it)

CARBS (rice, potatoes, pasta and bread are HUGE staples here)

NOT BEING ABLE TO SPEAK THE LANGUAGE (but I'm working on that)

Commonly used phrases of the week:
 "You signed up for this" 

and away I go!

It's surreal.  

In less than 24 hours ill be on my way to the next, and perhaps biggest, adventure of my life. Ready or not, Dominican Republic here I come!  But seriously...I think I'm ready. I think. 

I have prepared as much as I can while keeping my sanity and not letting my worries, fear, or human anxiety distract me from the joy and moments I have been able to share with those I am closest with over these past few months. 

It is abundantly clear that God is in this trip through the overflowing blessings that have come my way over the past few months. Thanks to generous friends, family, co-workers and cross-fitters, I have met and exceeded my fundraising goal, found two girls to sublet my apartment and have been able to get whatever I needed for my trip. 

I have started to get to know the 13 students that I will be in charge of and am excited to put real faces with names and get to know and influence their hearts. Oh yeah, and by 'in charge' I mean...IN CHARGE! As in I am not only the student life coordinator, but God has made it so that I will also be the director as well. HUGE change in my plan, but not in Gods plan. So in that I am holding tight to the promise that "when I am weak, He is strong." (2 Corinthians 12:10)

THANK YOU to all of you who have donated, prayed, and are excited for me!! Keep it coming!!! So, so, so blessed by each and every one of you!!

Stay tuned!

Next Stop : the Dominican Republic!!

First off, I want to say how thankful I am for you in my life, I have learned and grown because of you!  Just the fact that I can share this awesome experience and opportunity with you and that I know that you’ll be behind me, means the world. Thank you for taking the time to read this too!

For the past year and a half my job has been up in the air, and I was feeling the nudge that it was time to move on.  The non-profit grant field has been my life for the last 10 years, and in February I decided, as hard at it was, that it was time to start looking for something different.  I had followed some leads, put my resume in a few places, but they never resulted in anything...which was ok, I was confident that God would provide the right job (even if it was a 9-5), but I was never expecting this. 

As you may know, last year I had the awesome opportunity to go on two missions trips, one to Costa Rica and one to the Dominican Republic.  Both were in partnership with SCORE Ministries and through those trips I met a lot of great people, including the Executive GAP Program Director.  He had seen something in me during those trips and contacted me in May with this opportunity. After seeking God in His word and through prayer, talking to my closest friends and family, and weighing all my options, I couldn’t turn this opportunity down.  It was clear that it was time to put my faith into action, like when James spoke about Abraham in James 2:22, “You see, he was trusting God so much that he was willing to do whatever God told him to do.  His faith was made complete by what he did - by his actions.”


With that said, I am so excited to share with you this new ministry opportunity that I am going to be involved in.  Starting August 24th, I will be the Student Life Coordinator for the Global Adventure Pursuit (GAP) Program in the Dominican Republic.  The GAP program is a 9-month program where 15 American kids ages 18-22 will come to discover and develop their bible & spanish knowledge & skills to use for God’s glory.  I will be a mentor to the kids and essentially do life with them to help them realize their greatest potential and link them with the ministries that are available.  I am both excited and a little nervous to leave all that I know for 9 months and to have such a great responsibility for these kids and their physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being.  When the kids are in class I’ll have the opportunity to explore some other ministry opportunities as well, like coaching, building houses, and working with the short-term missions groups that come down...things that I feel that God has been preparing me for.  

I know that this will be a life-changing experience and whole-heartedly believe that God has been orchestrating this in my life for years.  And because taking this chance, moving away from friends and family is so not me, I know that it is all God and in that I have complete confidence that He will provide: provide safety, provide funding, provide wisdom, discernment and understanding, provide prayer partners and financial partners, and so much more that I’m not even expecting. 

Through the program budget my room and board will be covered, which is a huge blessing.  However, to make this honor a reality, I need sponsors and partners to provide some financial assistance to help cover my additional expenses both in the DR and back here at home.  I am asking you to join other relatives and friends and prayerfully consider sponsoring me in this effort by either a one time donation or on a monthly basis.  My goal is to raise $3,000 in the next two months. 

If you have some time, check out the SCORE website www.scoreintl.org and see some of the awesome things that they are doing all over the world and the different ministries that are available. 
If you feel led to help me out financially, SCORE makes the donation process fairly easy and you can donate a few ways:

1)  You can go online to www.scoreintl.org/donate/donate-to-a-traveler and just make sure to put my name in the description box
2)  You can fill out the form I have put at the end and send a check to SCORE International; PO Box 9994, Chattanooga, TN 37412
3)  Send donations directly to me at 132 Ellen Drive Unit Left, Cheektowaga NY 14225 (please keep in mind that this will only be my address until August 20th)
4)  I can also accept donations of gift cards, air miles, or whatever the Lord has put on your heart!

Your prayerful consideration of support is very much appreciated!!  And above all, please pray for God to use me as a true role model and to share the love of Christ on this missions endeavor!  I am more than happy to answer any questions that you may have!!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

And I’ll do my best to keep you up to date via facebook and on here!

You are LOVED & APPRECIATED!! 

-Jaime



Please use this form if you’re making a donation via check:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please put the following gift on the account for Jaime Snyder who will be traveling to the Dominican Republic as the Student Life Coordinator for the GAP Program from August 24, 2013 - May 1, 2014.

Donor Name: ______________________________________ 
Phone #: ___________________________
Address: _____________________________________________
City: __________________________________  
State: ___________  Zip: ____________________
email address: __________________________________________
Amount enclosed: $______________________
Please make check payable to SCORE International, Inc.
and mail to: PO Box 9994, Chattanooga, TN 37412

30, Flirty & Thriving

Today marks my 30 ½ birthday!  So many great things have happened in the last 6 months and I’m so thankful to be at this stage in my life.  God has shown me a lot about His character and about my character over the past year and I’m learning to find the good & purpose in every situation.

I’m almost at the end of my journal…which is a feat in itself.  There’s some sense of completeness and gratification of completing something beginning to end, front to back…it’s the same gratification I feel when I finish a tube chapstick before losing it or washing & drying it. (I know…simple pleasures).  One of my favorite parts about finishing a journal, is flipping back to the beginning and reading through how far God has brought me since I started.  In this case I started it last June (finishing it in under a year…also a big accomplishment for me)…and when I was flipping through a Study/Reflection writing in September caught my attention.  Caught my attention so much that although I remember writing it, I was in awe of what God was speaking to me and what He prompted me to put down on that page and what an awesome reminder it was for me still…so much so it brought tears to my eyes when reading it a second time, and I’m sure will do so again as I write this to share it with you.

Please know that this is me being incredibly vulnerable, something I don’t do often…but with a gentle nudge I’m putting it out there. The hopes if this helping you in any way outweighs my pride at this moment.  This was something I wrote in early  September…and I’m copying it here pretty much word for word so bear with me.  Some reflections are my reaction to the verses and some are what I felt God was trying to say to me, I hope you can follow it:

September 5, 2011   

I’ve been struggling with my singleness for awhile now. I just don’t know what I can do to be content with it.  People are getting engaged all around me.  My sister is more content than I am, but she’s busy and now has great friends and although I do too, they seem fewer and far between.  So in all of this I signed up for Match.com to see where that could get me.  It seemed it was a moment of weakness and loneliness on my part.  Having no plans for Labor Day weekend, trying not to run home to Allegany every time I don’t have plans, saving gas & being available if plans do come up.  So I paid the money, made my profile, uploaded pics and sought out cute guys from behind my computer screen.  None seem to love Jesus & the only guys who contact me are unattractive.  There seem to be a lot of nice guys out there and at times it’s tempting to write and maybe just hang out, but that can’t lead to anywhere good, so I don’t even want to try it or open that door.  Plus not one of the guys I think are cute have contacted me…which is fair because all they really have to go on are my looks and I’m not the prettiest girl in cyberspace.      

All that said I’m taking Laura’s advice and trying to dress more feminine, wear makeup, not wear soccer shorts, my man watch and I took out most of my earrings.  I wear perfume and try to smile more…but nothing is working yet.  But if anyone can orchestrate a perfect meeting it’s God & can only be God.  As much as it is hard for me to hope…it’s really all I have to hold onto right now.  And yesterday his word spoke volumes to me.  It hit me.  HARD.      

“Wait, my daughter.” –Ruth 3:18

--That’s all it said, and it’s all I needed to hear.  Yes, it’s out of context, but at this time it was the God of the universe speaking directly to my soul.  WAIT.  My daughter…please wait.  I am coming, your husband is coming…just wait.      

“Be careful, be quiet, do not fear, and do not let your heart be faint.” –Isaiah 7:4 NIV

“Listen.  Calm down.  Don’t be afraid & don’t panic.” –Isaiah 7:4 The Message

--Be careful who you talk to and how fast you give your heart away, simply because you don’t want to be alone anymore.  Calm down, be quiet and listen to the Holy Spirit guiding you from the inside.  Don’t be afraid of this journey you are currently on, the loneliness won’t last forever though sometimes it may seem that way.      

“Be still and know that I am God.”  -Psalm 46:10

--Jaim, (or enter your name here) I’ve got you.  Just chill out, I’ve got this…ALL of it.  Trust me.  I. AM. GOD.  It’ll happen, it’s a process, don’t’ fight it…be still.      

“Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” –John 11:40

--How long have you known Me?  12 years now? Have you not seen what I can do?  How life can change in the blink of an eye?  Just believe I can do this and that I don’t need you.  The change inside is for you Jaime, not me.  I can give you a husband tomorrow no matter what you wear or how you look.  The change is for you.  The obedience is for your own good.  And in all of this you will learn how to glorify Me in any situation.      

“Mary…sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching…Mary has chosen the good portion…” –Luke 10:39, 42

--In my singleness I have the good portion, I have the time to sit at the Lord’s feet and listen to Him with no distraction and no responsibility pulling me away.  I need to sit here as long as I possibly can…not rushing for it to change.      

“Be still before the Lord & wait patiently for him; fret not (don’t worry or be anxious) yourself over the one who prospers in his way…” –Psalm 37:7

--Life is a game of patience, but I have to trust that God doesn’t see it as a fun game but a necessary game.  Don’t worry about all those who are engaged or married, some of them were our of wrong motives and shallow decisions and will reap the consequences.  Just wait for Me to make My move.  Wait PATIENTLY, without becoming annoyed or anxious…two things I’m not doing very well with.        

“Whoever believes will not be in haste.” –Isaiah 28:16

--So is it a belief issue? Because I am definitely in haste. (Haste definition: excessive speed or urgency of movement or action; hurry.)  It’s a trust & belief issue in that I cannot breathe easy, I cannot be content.  It’s not so far gone that I am taking matters into my own hands & finding Mr. Right now, but I have to keep an eye on it so it doesn’t become that way.      

“What I am doing now you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.” –John 13:7

--How about I get a tattoo of this? Because it’s has to be my new mantra!  And He’s right: I. DON’T. UNDERSTAND.  I don’t get it.  But I have to trust.  I have to hope that it will all make sense one day.  But even an inkling of what that reasoning is would be awesome.       

And then He lead me to this, maybe this is the answer::    

“You shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has lead you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not.” –Deuteronomy 8:2

--I’m hoping I don’t have to stay “in the wilderness” for 40 years, but I get what He’s saying.  My faith is growing & being tested.  Maybe if I had gotten married a couple of years back my faith wouldn’t have been strong enough to survive life with a husband & family.  I would have gotten so busy loving, serving, nurturing and living life that I would put my family above God, that my relationship with God would be the first thing that I would drop.  And when that foundation goes away, nothing else has anything to stand on either and everything might have crumbled.        

Thank you God for your every living Word.  For Your patience with me as I process all of this and come to the conclusion that You are in control of it all and I just have to trust Your promises and believe that Your timing is perfect and that you have my best interests in mind.  That this journey of mine is not in vain and through it all it is the relationship between us that is the most important and needs to be the strongest. 

The Big 3-0

Well…I did it, I turned 30.  Not that I had any choice, but decided to step into this new decade as gracefully as I could and not dread it.  And awesome friends and family made it the best birthday yet, so it’s definitely off to a good start.

 

I’ve been told by numerous people that my 30s will be the best decade yet.  “The drama is behind you”, “You know who you are”, “Thirty, flirty and thriving.” 

 

I am not ashamed of 30, I don’t feel 30 and many people would say that I don’t look 30, it’s just a number and I’m excited for this new phase of my life. 30 is where it’s at.  After all…what was so great about my 20’s?

 

There is one thing that was great about my 20s: I found Jesus and got to know Him better.  Granted I first met Jesus when I was 17, let Him be my Savior at 18, and started to know about Him at 19, but it was when I was 20…the amazing summer of 2001 when I started that personal relationship with Him and intentionally started to get to know Him and how much He loves me. 

 

God has been protecting my heart for 30 years…even during those years when I had no idea how much I was hurting Him and sinning against Him with my selfishness and pride.  Sure those who knew me back then could see that I have always been servant minded and had a heart for loving family and friends and would do anything for anyone…that was God all along and I never knew it.  But the motivation behind those good works was so selfish. I figured that I could earn my way into heaven if I did enough good things. I was also doing those things because I wanted to be liked and accepted, I wanted to feel valued and not left out.  I figured that if people needed me than they would keep me around. Human motivation. SELFISH MOTIVATION.

 

And although I do those same things…my motivation has changed because I know Jesus and realize that I cannot earn my way into heaven.  I serve others to show them the love that God has shown me.  To show them that there is something different in me, that I have been called to a higher standard. That when I don’t feel like doing something, or when I’m tired…it doesn’t matter, that I will put others above myself just as Jesus put me above Himself when He died for me. And if He was willing to do that for me…He has done that for you.

 

Jesus loves me and gave His life for me, not because of how good a person I am in the worlds view, or how many good things I do for other people, just because I am his creation…as you are (John 3:16).  I now know and truly believe that I did nothing to earn His love, and that the forgiveness of our sins is a gift of grace (Ephesians 2:8-9), and nothing that I could do could make him love me any more or any less.  But think about it: If I could earn my way into heaven by the things that I do here on earth, then why did Jesus have to die?  Jesus is the only way, the only truth, and the only life. No one will come to the Father but by Jesus (John14:6).  No one gets to heaven unless they KNOW Jesus…not just know about Him (heck, even Satan knew about Him), but have realized and believed that we need to stop running from God, turn and run TOWARDS God, and all that He has for us.  

 

“At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.”  -Titus 3:3-7

 

So, yes…I know I’m going to heaven, not because I stop in the middle of a run to mow an elderly ladies yard, but because I have a relationship with Jesus, the creator of the universe, and the creator of you and me. 

 

Do you have a relationship with Jesus?  You can!

My friend Laura has written about how you can know Jesus in her blog, and I pray that you check it out. (http://laura-lewis.blogspot.com/2011/10/i-wish-i-knew.html)

 

With this faith, truth and love I willingly enter my 30s excited to see what else God has in store for me and hoping to share it with all of you.

Pride Strikes Out

Those who know me best know that I thrive on competition, I mean…just look at the title of my Blog.  But when I really look closely at the reasons why I love sports and competition, which I’ve done this week, they’re not great reasons…they’re prideful reasons.

Before I get into those reasons, let me set the scene for you.  In October 2010 God allowed me to become a small group leader at Vintage (we call them “eGroups”) again.    This was after a 10 month break from taking a break from being a leader.  So now I have a new outlook on leading, or rather facilitating God’s leading, and have some awesome girls join my group.  This past semester of eGroups has been an amazing one and I have been blessed by being able to see the transformation in 2 girls between January and now.  (Now you’re somewhat caught up.)

For the past few summers I have played softball, soccer or both.  It’s a great time to get outdoors, meet new people (most of the teams that I started on I didn’t know anyone), and get some exercise.  And I figured this summer would be the same.  I haven’t found a decent soccer team, so this year I was fine with just playing softball (and my knees and ankles were thanking me).  I’ve been playing on the Chapel Women’s Softball team on Tuesday nights (the same night as Vintage) for the past 2 summers and having a great time…so why would this year be any different??

Because God wanted me to stay an eGroup leader, but not only that God wanted me to choose Him over me & my pride.

WAIT…WHAT!??!?

The greater lesson in this is that God wanted me to choose Him over my pride.

I know.  It’s a hard pill for me to swallow…and not the automatic choice for me.  But it is a choice. 

Left up to me alone I would have chosen softball…and initially I did.  I can pretty much convince myself of anything:

 - There are only 2 girls left in my group and by June there might only be 1.

 - I’m an inadequate small group leader at best and the 1 or 2 girls could flourish better with another eGroup leader

 - It’s only for a couple of months

 - I deserve a break

 - I’ll do fine without hearing the message every week

 - Maybe I can still meet with the girls after Vintage or another day of the week to continue the group and talk about God

But God, in the midst of this was gently tugging at my heart…not forcing me to do anything, but not letting it go either.  And then I really felt the need to be honest with myself about why I wanted to play softball so badly:

 - I am good at softball

 - I want people to look to me to lead

 - I want to be liked and accepted

 - I can easily encourage and give advice

 - I like the self-confidence I have on the field

 - It’s not a challenge

 - I want to be the hero

 - I want to be praised

When I look at this list through the lens of all I have been learning about God, humility, sacrifice and pride that’s all I see: PRIDE, PRIDE, PRIDE, PRIDE, PRIDE, PRIDE, PRIDE.  And it’s ugly.  How blinded have I been by my selfishness all these years?  But even that alone isn’t enough to convince me to do the thing that I know in my heart is right.

The real question that kept running through my head: “Am I choosing something easy like softball where I can rely on myself rather than something hard like eGroup and rely on God?”

So I prayed and sought God…secretly hoping that I wouldn’t hear from Him so I could not feel guilty about playing softball.  And THE. VERY. NEXT. DAY. He gave me these verses while I was doing devotions:

PRIDE STRIKE #1: Jeremiah 45:5a (NLT)

“Are you seeking great things for yourself? Don’t do it!”

-- Ummmm…seriously God???…you lead with that!?!  And if that’s not clear enough…

PRIDE STRIKE #2: 1 Corinthians 13: 4-5 (NLT)

“Love…does not demand it’s own way.”

-- When I committed my life to following Christ twelve years ago, I committed to surrender everything and demand nothing.  Pride has demanded a lot over my lifetime, but no longer in this situation.

PRIDE STRIKE #3: Philippians 2:3-4 (NLT)

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”

-- I was doing exactly the opposite choosing softball.  I was being selfish.  I was trying to impress others.  I was not thinking of the lives of my eGroup girls as better than myself.  I was looking out for my own interests…Yup, God…you got me.

Honestly, this is one of the hardest decisions I have had to make in a LONG time.  And even after God so directly spoke to me through His Word, I tried to convince myself otherwise.  But finally, FINALLY…for once I was more afraid of letting God down by not obeying Him than I was about letting my team & coach down. 

Softball was about me. Sports, for the most part, were always about me being good enough so that people liked me and wanted to be my friend. And now God is teaching me to lay down my life, my wants, my desires for the sake of others, for those girls in my eGroup.  Whether people like me or not is no longer my concern, what only concerns me is what God thinks about me, and choosing to obey Him.  

And even through this painful choice that goes against everything I was for the past 30 years I am encouraged.

“For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey him & the power to do what pleases him.” – Philippians 2:13 (emphasis mine)

“God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.”  - Hebrews 6:10 (emphasis mine)

“Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly—not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God. Don’t lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your own good example. And when the Great Shepherd appears, you will receive a crown of never-ending glory and honor… And all of you, serve each other in humility, for ‘God opposes the proud but favors the humble.’ So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.  In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.”  -1 Peter 5:2-6, 10 (emphasis mine)

I’m not saying that God is asking me to give up sports forever, but He is at this time so that for this time I can humble myself, love my eGroup girls, and choose to obey Him. 

Pride struck out this once, but it’s not the end of the game.  Pride will be up to bat again I’m sure. 

But for this time…PRIDE, YOU’RE OUTTA HERE!

TGIF

Thank. God. It's. Friday.

Thank God for the one Friday that changed the course of history.

Isaiah 53:1-6 (New Living Translation)

 ¹ "Who has believed our message?
      To whom has the Lord revealed his powerful arm?
 ² My servant grew up in the Lord’s presence like a tender green shoot, like a root in dry ground.
   There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance,
      nothing to attract us to him.
 ³ He was despised and rejected—
      a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.
   We turned our backs on him and looked the other way.
      He was despised, and we did not care.

 ⁴ Yet it was our weaknesses he carried;
      it was our sorrows^[a] that weighed him down.
   And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God,
      a punishment for his own sins!
 ⁵ But he was pierced for our rebellion,
      crushed for our sins.
   He was beaten so we could be whole.
      He was whipped so we could be healed.
 ⁶ All of us, like sheep, have strayed away.
      We have left God’s paths to follow our own.
   Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all."

These verses have come up on three different occasions the past couple weeks, and when that happens, as a God fearing, Bible believer...you know that God is trying to speak to you.  And boy did He....especially since i'm working through some self-reliance, pride & shame issues and double especially on this Good Friday evening.

While sifting through the layers of my past experiences, past sins pop up right and left...and most I have dealt with and asked forgiveness for...but there are a few that I seem to hold onto.  Not because I'm not sorry that I have done them, not that I'm proud of them, but in some ways if I hold onto them and the feelings of guilt and shame that comes along with those memories...I feel like it keeps me from doing them again.  Enter the sin of self-reliance.  If I could fix myself...if the things that I have done (good or bad) impacted my future in heaven, if I can right all the wrongs myself, then why did Jesus have to die? 

My pride comes into play..."I got myself into this, I can get myself out."  Then self-reliance..."I don't need anyone's help."  And shame..."I did this to myself, and I have to live with the emotional consequences and no one else ever has to know what I did."  But then I look at the cross.  The cross where Jesus died for all...ALL...of my sins: past, present, & future...and you'll find that God takes it a step further in vs. 5-6:

  "But he was pierced for our rebellion,  crushed for our sins.  He was beaten so we could be whole.  He was whipped so we could be healed.  All of us, like sheep, have strayed away.  We have left God’s paths to follow our own.  Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all."

Everything that we hang onto from our past, everything that we do not give to the Lord, everything that keeps us from being whole and healed is an insult to God.  Jesus was beaten so we could be whole.  Who are we, who am I to say that I know better than God does of how to handle my past and fix me so I can be whole again??  Who am I to say that "nope, Jesus...that beating wasn't necessary, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but I got this...you went through it for nothing...I like being in pieces."  Seriously!?!  I'm going to be so rough & tough, so selfish & stupid to say to the creator of the universe that he was wrong??  That I like being broken?  The same goes for the next line too: Jesus was whipped so we could be healed.  People...this isn't your typical "i'll-bend-you-over-my-knee-and-give-you-a-whippin'" whipping...this was a "whip-you-so-hard-your-guts-fall-out-and-most-people-don't-even-survive-this" whipping.  Who am I to say "Jesus, that whipping was unnecessary...I like being broken."

Jesus suffered for hours on that Friday so I could be a complete person again.  Jesus hung there on a cross and died so that I may know freedom & forgiveness...to cleanse us of our sins and one day live with Him in heaven.

Although I have had a relationship with Jesus for 12 years now, as long as I hang onto anything that keeps me from being whole & healed, my life will continue to be an insult to God.  And I don't want that to be the case anymore.  Relying on someone else is hard...surrendering you life in faith is even harder, but it shouldn't be when that person is the One who made the heavens and the earth.  The One who provides all my needs, the One who has never let me down, the One who knows how many hairs are on my head and grains of sand in the world.

It's time to completely surrender.  Jesus' efforts will no longer be in vain for my life. 

Me, Myself & Pride

I'm sitting here having a minor anxiety attack as I write...debating if I should write this blog, and how many drafts I have to write to get my words right.

Over the past couple weeks I have been asking God to show me ways that I need to change and to make clear to me the issues I need to address to help me grow and become more of a woman of God...and what satan has intended for evil, God is using for good...slowly and surely...I'm choosing to believe that He's using it for good.

PRIDE: it has reared it's ugly head again, and this time it has hurt someone other than me and that's not ok. It's a sucky situation, and I wish with everything that's within me that I could take it back...but unfortunately I cant and my only plan is to humbly move forward. But God new that this situation was exactly what I needed as a wake up call.

Left up to my own demise I would not change, I would fight it with everything that is within me. God knows this about me, and has put people in my life to help me see that change isn't bad, especially if that change brings me closer to God. But the last two years I have been on my journey haven't been easy...they have been challenging, but every once in awhile I am able to see some progress although I mess up...A LOT.

My pride is a defense mechanism, and a defense mechanism that I have fostered and strengthened for the past 28 years. It will not go away overnight and it won't go away with out a fight... And it sure as heck wont go away by just ignoring it. And lately I haven't been putting up much of a fight to get rid of it. Visualize me and my pride in a boxing ring going head to head. We trade punches, it knocks me down...I knock it down. Just when I think it's down for the count or when i get tired of fighting I walk away for awhile and go on with my life...but because I haven't actually killed it, it always comes back and cold-cocks me when I least expect it.

And so I fight, and will continue to fight because i made my pride as strong as it is and it should be my responsibility to defeat it, as long as I'm the only one getting bruised and hurt by my own creation i can handle it. Until last Friday when my pride punched my best friend in the gut. NOT COOL. A friend who has been in my corner for years fighting with me all along I allowed to be hurt by my pride...hurt bad.

And until now I have been blind to how many others my pride has hurt in the past...and how rotten and selfish it really is, how selfish and rotten and insecure I am. And to those people i have hurt, I apologize. My pride has always won because it convinces me that I don't deserve the help and will always have to do it alone. So the gloves are coming off...but the best part is that i am not fighting alone. I not only have my best friend in my corner, I have the Champion of the Universe, the Holy Spirit on my side, and have to rely on Him to fight the big fight.

 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God." -Romans 8:26-27

What more will I sacrifice? What more will I miss out on? Who else will I hurt? Who else will i turn away? What opportunities to share Christ have i missed? And who have I turned away from Christ?

It's it time and am I able?

- to give up this control and finally let God have 100% of my life?
- trust He will kill all of my inner demons?
- let those self-made walls crumble to let new walls build up on Christ as the foundation?

But really...Who am I to think I have any control in all of this? If i've done anything it is to give Christians a bad name because of my stubbornness. God does not need me to do His work, but I do need Him.

 "Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God's Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren't smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it? Did you go through this whole painful learning process for nothing? It is not yet a total loss, but it certainly will be if you keep this up!" -Galatians 3:2-4 (The Message)

God, I pray that my life is not a total loss for You and Your kingdom. I'm sorry for hanging onto my pride for so long and by that inviting Satan to have a foothold in my life. I pray that my relationship with You is restored, that my relationship with others be restored...ones that I have let my pride hurt, ruin or cut short because I was afraid of telling the truth or be anything less than cool and perfect. Because being humble and vulnerable is the only way that You will get the glory in the midst of my life and your grace will be apparent.