Humbled

I started writing this to just a few friends, then decided to blog it to everyone because I think it's great truth:

Hey friends,

I just wanted to share some insight I got today while doing my devo's and doing some further bible study on today's "TEN" which was Isaiah 6:1-8.  I'm really working on my pride and wanting to be humble in everything...so I came across a cross reference to Isaiah 6:1-8...it was Job 42:1-6 when talking about being humbled in the presence of God.

I use a website that helps in my study, and for certain scripture gives lessons and commentary to further knowledge.  For your information the website is: http://www.bibletools.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Bible.show/sVerseID/13924/eVerseID/13929/version/NASB

The following is not my original thinking, nor my words...but they really hit home for me and I didn't even want to attempt to paraphrase them and make them my own.  I have underlined that which stood out to me the most.  They are the words of John W. Ritenbaugh:
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[Job 42:1-6]
"This is the conclusion, the climax, of his long and detailed story. Now Job can see God. From the context, properly seeing God involves getting the self out of the way! As long as self was in his line of sight, Job judged God by his own perspective. Remember, we see what we want to see, what we are educated to see. So Job saw his own wisdom, his own works, and they blocked his view of God in His greatness. The carnal mind is trained to do this.

It takes great determination, discipline in study and in prayer, and meditation to break oneself of that natural, carnal mode of thinking. Even when we succeed, we have to understand that our vision of God still has to be constantly replenished—"day by day," Paul says (II Corinthians 4:16)—and upgraded, refocused, exercised, as it were, in the truth.

Job's case is particularly interesting. Job thought he knew God well, but he was painfully unaware that there was still much that he did not know. During his sufferings, he threw a great many direct challenges at God in an effort either to justify himself or to understand why he was going through this trial. Yet, God never directly answered any of Job's challenges! Instead, beginning in chapter 38, He leads Job to see his own insignificance in light of God's greatness. Most people do not realize that in the entire book Job never repents of sin. Sin is not the issue! The issue is that, despite Job's extensive knowledge of God, he did not see Him as all-powerful! He did realize that God alone puts down evil and brings to pass all of His holy will.

We can tell the real issue in the book of Job by what God says in chapters 38-41. God makes two speeches. It is not Job's self-righteousness—certainly apparent—that God addresses, but his questioning of God's justice in the governance of His creation.

When Job opens his mouth to speak in Job 42:1-6, it is to tell God that he got the point: God's purpose is all that counts! In addition, since He is God, He can bring it to pass. God has the right, the will, and the loving nature to do anything He pleases to anybody at any time—and good will result.

Do we believe that? A caution, however: A man as spiritually mature as Job did not—until the end of the book."
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We are all on our own journey.  We are all in different places.  And we all have different timings of each aspect, each season.  Whatever may look abnormal when compared to the world's timing, is on course and perfect when compared to God's timing.  

Our lives are not about fitting in to this world and doing things in the way and timing that this society does...it's about bringing glory to God.  It's about being humble in His presence knowing that nothing is of us, but is all of Him...it is perfect, and is well with my soul.

We all know what God wants us to know at this point in our journey, but there is still so much left to learn...as long as we humble ourselves and let Him lead the way. 

"He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way." -Psalm 25:9
 
"The LORD sustains the humble but casts the wicked to the ground." -Psalm 147:6

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD. -Isaiah 55:8

Pride of Life

I have a problem with pride…and if you look at your life hard enough, you’ll find you have some too.  Of all of my downfalls, insecurities and “growth opportunities” (basically a nice way of saying how wrong and human I really am) dealing with my pride seems to be the one that is the most out of reach.  The issue that I can’t seem to get a grasp on even to begin to address it and how it is holding me back from being 100% trusting and truthful in my relationship with Christ.

I used to think that pride was a good thing…especially since I pretty much compare everything to sports.  “I have pride in my team”…meaning I am proud to be a part of the team… “have a sense of pride”…meaning be confident in who I am and what I’m doing…but the more I read and research the word pride and especially in a biblical context I find that it’s not a good thing at all.

James MacDonald defines it this way: “Pride is the attitude of heart which exalts itself above others and above God.”

Wow.  So pride is not good.  Crap.  What have I been hanging onto all these years??  Yup, you guessed it things that I have done, my accomplishments, my awards, my talent, my intelligence…my. My. My. Me. Me. Me.  And that’s when it hit me.

Pride is me, thinking that I have done it all on my own…that I should be proud of making it this far and rising to the top by myself, when in reality it was ALL GOD.  It has ALWAYS BEEN God, it will ALWAYS CONTINUE to be God, and who am I to think otherwise?

“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.”- 1 John 2:15-16

This doesn’t just go for sports and athletes, although that is the easiest way to visualize it for me….it goes for money, fame, social status, schooling, relationships, family…anything.  Whatever we are, and wherever we are has absolutely nothing to do with us or what we have done, but what God chose to do in and for us.

I didn’t get into my college’s or high school’s sports Hall of Fames this year, and to be honest it stung a little that 2 women who were teammates of mine did.  Their stats weren’t as good as mine were, they didn’t have the leadership skills I did, they haven’t given back to the respective alma maters they way I have….so why did they get in and not me? When I heard about both of these women’s inductions I got angry…why?  Because my pride was hurt.  I saw my earthly value wrapped up in the worlds view: an award, 10 minutes of public recognition, and being one of a select group.  I valued that more than what God has done in me and for me throughout those years playing soccer and the years since.

But then I realized it was God who gave me the abilities to play soccer, to lead, run, breathe, communicate, encourage, and love my teammates…and it’s ultimately soccer that introduced me to my best friends, who in turn introduced me to Christ.  HE was working through it all despite my pride and my selfishness.

So are we, who are so full of pride, hopeless?  Naaaaaaaaaa, and that’s the amazing part of it all.

"And those who walk in pride he is able to humble." –Daniel 4:37

Once we realize what the heart issue is behind our pride, we can start to let God deal with it.  And honestly the most amazing part is that God is able to humble us, it’s nothing we have to do on our own…because again if we were able to do it on our own we would never truly get rid of our pride.

And it’s when we realize we have done nothing on our own and we are humble before God that we are truly able to accept and realize all He has done for us from creating us, to saving us, to sustaining us.

Don’t Ever Change

"God, who is enthroned from of old, who does not change— he will hear them and humble them, because they have no fear of God." –Psalm 55:19

I used to hate change.  I forever felt like I always had to adapt to other peoples changes, and that I never had a choice in the matter.  I used to gain confidence when people told me “don’t ever change.”  It’s a compliment, right?  And for me, I would take it as a compliment, but also as a challenge…people liked me for who I was and counted on me to be a rock, to be the same as things in their life hit their highs and lows, the constant in other peoples ever changing lives.

Although at the time I took it as a compliment, I recently realized that I also internalized it and really resisted change.  I get that when people say “don’t ever change” they usually mean change in a bad way…but what if that hinders you from changing in a good way?

I have finally realized that change doesn’t always have to be so bad, and to stay stagnate is worse.  Recently I have been changing, little by little, in a good way…with God’s grace and some honest, truthful, challenging conversations from some fantastic friends, friends that the Lord placed in my life.   And looking back I can see how it all played out and how it contributed to where I’m at right now.

The truth is that we all need to change, we need to change for the better.  But we need to keep in mind the reason for changing.  To become more like Christ and to bring more glory back to Him, the One that is perfect, the One who has stayed the same throughout the ages.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." –James 1:17

9.27.09

Happy Birthday to me!!  I had a wonderful 29th birthday...thank you to all who were a part of it!  While looking back on this past year, I came across a journal entry that I wrote on my birthday last year (hence the 9.27.09 title)

I have grown so much in the past year, but while reading this entry every word was so true that I thought I'd share it:

9/27: Alone time with God
So for the eGroup Retreat Sunday Chapel they gave us 40 minutes to be alone & still before God. When I think of being still & silent, I just think that opening my bible is sometimes a distraction -- so I left it aside.

I knew this alone time fell on my birthday for a reason -- so I wanted to focus on the intent of that & boy did God show me some great truths.  I saw how God is sometimes completely intentional & unintentional.  Somtimes he orchestrates the moment, and other times he uses the moment for His good.

I saw Him there the day I was born.  Choosing September 27th, as the day I would enter the world -- I saw Him there at every birthday -- keeping an eye over me -- making sure I didn't mess up since I wasn't walking with Him yet.  I saw Him gently orchestrating moments & knowing what was to come in my life.  I saw him watching me as I chose to sin, knowing that it was a part of my life He couldn't control, & being sad forme...but then sadness turned to joy because of how He worked it out next.

He began removing the sin, in turn, to break my heart and while my heart was broken he started to bring the pieces of my heart & life back together.  Slowly rearranging those pieces...& though my heart wasn't completely healed and whole, it was complete enough.  God started to knock on those broken pieces of my heart...that splintered door...gently...as to not break it any more, but to get my attention.

While I was alone and very much broken, He used those around me to begin to reveal Himself.  Two of the most unlikly candidates -- complete opposites from me -- He just pulled them into my circle, my life.  And from there kept knocking, knocking, knocking.  He spoke through them, their actions, their love.  He put a desire in my heart to love them & in turn love Him.

Eventually after years of orchestrating, came the day I turned to Him, the day I chose to walk in the light, to be conscious of God's presence in my life & have every day since then.

He was there at the beginning.  He was there every day -- protecting my heart as much as He could with sin bombarding me at every corner.  He used that for His will, for my sake & will continue to do so -- no matter how many times I mess up.

He had a plan for my life & for the past 28 years.  He continues to have a plan for my life & now I have the consciouly look to Him to figure out what that path is.  What His ultimate destination is for me -- where I'm supposed to be in this world.  What role I'm supposed to play for Him & His Kingdom.

Jeremiah 29:11  "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "they are plans for good & not disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

The Lord's plan & timing is perfect, not always for us -- but for Him & the Kingdom which I have to remember.  God: Help me use this time of singleness to the best that I can, to draw me closer to you, to help me experience new things & reveal more of your love to me.  Help me be content in where I'm at & show me the way you want me to go.

Thank you all for being a part of my life, my journey...although it is far from over.  The past 29 years have gone so fast, but I still have so many more to live.

Relational Vacations

Good morning from St. Lucia!  Yup, for those of you who didn't know...I'm on vacation....again.  But before you start turning a little bit green, hear me out:

I do go on more vacations than most, I get that.  I am blessed, and I get that too.  But as I sit here at 7:41am, the early riser of the bunch, I look out and wonder why we can't feel this "vacation calm" feeling at home.  Why we have to go thousands of miles away and spend a decent amount of cash to get to a place where we turn off our cell phones, only check facebook once or twice a day, grab a book, sit with friends, bask in the sun, laugh, snort, and build relationships and memories with one another.

For me it's all about the relationships formed through new experiences...but that doesn't mean I have to go to a tropical island to do that.  The weather is just as nice in Buffalo, NY as it is here in St. Lucia.  There are more people to relate with in Buffalo than St. Lucia.  There is much safer driving in Buffalo than St. Lucia.  I'm here because specific people are with me here.

I'd be just as happy at a local lake, or chilling pool side, or camping, or just sitting outside marveling at the wonders of God through a rain storm, then a rainbow with any one of you reading this.

It's not always about where I am, but who I'm with.  To build those relationships, to share my life and experiences with others.  To do something that makes me just a little bit vulnerable and stretches my faith, to let others see that I'm far from perfect and that I am human.

Granted, I don't have a lot of responsibilities right now: no husband, no kids, no one to support but myself...it's not a choice of mine, it's God's plan for me RIGHT NOW.  You bet I'm going to take it for what it's worth, take advantages of the opportunities that arise whether that keeps me in the country or takes me out of it.

So here's my challenge to you...make your own "vacation".  Stop and smell the roses, marvel at a rainbow, or sit by a lake for awhile.  Turn off the busyness of your life and just take it in, and share it with someone today.

Am I full?

Spending time in the Word has always been difficult for me. Rarely has it been something that I want to do, and more often than not, I find I'm reading and studying more out of an act of obedience. But it's when I really open my heart and am willing to read and study the Bible that I see things I haven't seen before, or learn things about myself and my faith that I tucked away deep inside.

Last October I was kind of forced into going to a Women's Retreat with The Chapel at Crosspoint's women's ministries. I only knew a handful of people, and even those women I didn't know that well: enter me out of my comfort zone. I'm glad I went, as is pretty much always the case when God gets me out of my comfort zone...I got to spend some great time and further friendships and also got to hear Lysa TurKeurst, the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries speak. Ever since then I've been reading her books and following her blog.

Lysa is taking her blog readers through Philippians, starting in Chapter 1 and teaching how to pick up on words and phrases that speak to them in that moment. I'm a day off in reading, as I just started digging into Ch 1 today, and had to stop at verse 11 because I found so much truth in those first 11 verses that it's all my brain can process for the day.

When reading some of Lysa's blog comments, it's amazing how 30 verses can speak differently to so many people, each verse revealing something different to every person. The Bible truly is the living word, showing everyone something different depending on their circumstance, struggle, and what they need to hear most in that specific moment...and yet it all being 100% truth.

While reading a few verses stuck out to me: vs. 3-4; 6; 9-10; & 11 ...can you see why I had to stop after verse 11? SO MUCH TRUTH...CANNOT PROCESS IT ALL!

I wanted to focus on verse 11: "May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ—for this will bring much glory and praise to God." (emphasis mine)

When I am full, I don't want anything else to eat...my body has taken all it needs and I don't require any more, and at times where I'm really full, nothing else even sounds good. The thought of filling myself with anything else is even painful. When we are told to "always be filled with the fruit of your salvation", we need to look at it the same way. To be full with salvation means that we shouldn't want anything else, if we are truly full.

So are we? Am I? Am I really full with my salvation? If I am then I should want nothing else. I shouldn't look to anything else to satisfy me: not success, not money, not relationships. Jesus owes me NOTHING.

He gave his life for me...and that should be enough to fill me until my last day on earth.

The Road to Reward

From James MacDonald weekly email, it definitely caught my attention, because it's exactly how I'm feeling and so I thought i'd share it with you:

"The one who conquers will be clothed thus in white garments, and I will never blot his name out of the book of life. I will confess his name before my Father and before his angels. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches." - Revelation 3:5-6

If you are a mom or dad, you say some things to your kids over and over. I'm sure there are warnings you give them every day, right? We are all stubborn sheep (Isaiah 53:6), so we don't learn quickly. Important stuff has to be repeated. The letters Jesus wrote to the churches in Revelation were specific, but each church saw all the letters. The repetitions show us His crucial themes.

Revelation 2:7 says, "To the one who conquers." Conquers means"overcomes, doesn’t give up, endures to the end." Similar phrases show up in Revelation 2:10-11, 17, 26 and 3:5.

You and I have got to conquer. Jesus said, "The one who endures to the end will be saved" (Mark 13:13). People who aren't really saved give up and quit. The truth is, we will all experience tough seasons in our lives. We will experience hard weeks or even a rough month or year. But we get moving again. Endurance doesn't save us, but it does prove our salvation. We have to finish strong. We have to pick up the pace as we get older. A real Christian says, "I love Him more and more. 'I press on' (Philippians 3:14) to be sanctified day after day, growing in Christ." That's the life of a believer - one who conquers. Conquerors get the rewards. Rewards will not go to the quitter. They will not go to the "I-tried-it-and-couldn't-do-it" type of people, nor to the "faith-was-just-a-phase-I-went-through" kind of people. All those people? Not conquerors.

"The one who conquers will be clothed thus in white garments, and I will never blot his name out of the book of life." The book of life is the volume containing the names of all the people alive on the face of the earth. If they die outside of the Gospel, without receiving the gift of eternal life that is found in Christ - their names are blotted out of the book. They're not going to live forever.

Jesus said about the conqueror, "I will never blot his name out of the book of life." That promise is awesome. Your name's going to be forever in that book, and you will live in eternity with Christ, if you just endure.

"I will confess his name before my Father." Imagine Jesus saying, "She's one of Ours. Yeah, he's with Us for sure." Conquering means an eternal reward with Christ.

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I am a conquerer. I am persevering. I can't give up. That's all I can say right now. I know that a life with Christ is better than a life without Christ, although that's not what I feel most times. I can't rely on my feelings, I have to rely on truth and the promise in God's Word.

Following Christ is something I will not quit. I wake up and devote that day to the Lord, but most days find myself stumbling and failing daily. But I wake up the next morning and try again. Some days Jesus may seem farther away than others, but I will not give up, I will persevere...I have to.

And I hope you will to.