Right here, Right now

God is sooo good ya’ll.  I think I am finally getting a handle on this Director thing…or at least getting comfortable in the role.  I finally feel that I’m not floundering or grasping for straws.  With the awesome support I have here and from home things seem to be running smoothly.   

That’s not to say that bad days don’t happen, or things don’t go wrong, but I’m finally at the point where I can trust God for whatever is going to happen:

I can trust Him with the lives & hearts of the students and the lives & hearts of the people around me.

I can trust His faithfulness in situations where I’m not able to see the purpose or the end. 

I can trust that He will make the sun rise tomorrow and that His mercies are new every morning. 

I can trust that His ways are higher than my ways and He has an awesome plan for my life.

I’ve also become confident in what I am learning and what I know:

I know that relationships matter. 

I know how impactful a hug is or an “I love you” or an “I’m sorry” are. 

I know how important specific moments are to relationships. 

I know that experiences can bring people together.

I know that pride can tear people apart.  

I've been so thankful to God, that whatever I seem to be going through or feeling, especially if those thoughts or feelings are not based in truth, He doesn't let me sit in it for long.  He gives me a verse, gives me encouragement through other people, or gives me a thought based IN TRUTH to think through to help change my mindset.  God gave me a pretty great breakthrough a couple weeks back....and actually it came within a week of my last post. 

I was comparing myself to others, their leadership styles and roles in ministry and becoming discouraged.  I'm an observer by nature and have seen some of the other missionaries that seem completely in their element when it comes to their ministry, whether it's teaching, preaching, discipling, encouraging, or speaking Spanish and hardly struggling at all...and all the while becoming discouraged that I'm still having a tough go with things and feeling still very much out of my element.  I hadn't told anyone I was feeling this way...and I didn't get to sit in this thought process very long.  God knows that I don't need a pity party but something to snap me out of this wrong way of thinking.  I've been sporadically reading a book called "Leading and Loving it", written by a couple of pastors wives.  Within a day of acknowledging my feelings I happened to open the book again to read it, turned to my bookmark and started reading.  It led me to Galatians 6:4-5 (MSG):

"Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life."

Under that verse I read this: "Many godly people around us have greatly influenced who we are as individuals and helped us develop into the people God created us to be.  But be true to yourself.  Be your own creative best, not some else's creative best.  Trust who God created you to be.  Rest in knowing He made you capable and unique...God has supernaturally scripted a customized plan with my name on it, and he has a supernaturally scripted plan for you.  God as wired me, gifted me, and uniquely placed me in the ministry I am in now.  There is no other person He wants for this role other than me.  And there is no other person He wants for your role other than you."

And there's the Sword that cuts right to the heart.  LOVE WHEN GOD DOES THIS!  I can't compare myself to others.  They haven't been called to lead the GAP program.  They were called to other places.  I WAS CALLED to lead the GAP program.  Not that God needs me...I don't need to be impressed with myself...HE DOESN'T NEED ME to accomplish what He wants to in the lives and hearts of these students, but he LETS ME be a part of it.  AND I DON'T WANT TO MISS IT!  If He wanted this program to look different, He would have chosen someone else...but HE DIDN'T.  HE CHOSE ME.  And if you've got a relationship with the Creator and are running after Him...you can be assured that He chose YOU to be exactly where you're at right now too.

This lesson was hammered home during a day where I was away and didn't go to class with the students.  We had a guest speaker, Don Gordon, come and teach.  This man is AMAZING!!  Former professional pitcher with a heart for God and discipling God's people, for conflict resolution and heart healing, for restored relationships and repentant souls.  So the Wednesday that Don was teaching I had the opportunity to go to Catilina Island...and I wasn't going to pass it up!  It was an awesome, fun, relaxing day full of water, fun and sun. I mean you would skip class to go here too, right??

Anyways...when I got home the kids couldn't wait to tell me what went on in bible class, how relationships started being restored, forgiveness asked for and accepted, and how broken hearts were starting to be healed.  My first reaction was..."oh man, I should have been there!!  I missed out!"  But then I felt the words of God in my heart..."Jaime, you weren't supposed to be there.  See...I've got this.  I've got these hearts.  I will use whoever I can to change them...they're MINE.  As much as you think you have responsibility for them...it's not up to you at all...it's UP TO ME." 

HUGE weight off my shoulders.  HUGE weight off my heart.  From then on my outlook has changed.  I may be responsible for the day-to-day things like safety, encouragement, comfort...but I'm not responsible for their eternal life.  That's up to them and God.  I can help, I can do all I can to be a good example and to live my life in a way that's sold out to God, but I can't force them to do or think or act a certain way.  As much as I want to sometimes!!!

“I know that you can do anything and no one can stop you."

-Job 42:2

 EXHALE.

God is definitely at work in my life and the lives of these kids...which also means that Satan HATES what we're doing.  Satan has definitely been at work over the past couple weeks...BIG TIME!  So if you could pray for me & for them...that Jesus would win out at the end of every day.  That Satan wouldn't steal our joy or distract us from God opportunities.  That we would be able to focus on the tasks at hand and stay 100% mentally here regardless of the things going on around us. 

Some other cool things have also happened throughout the past few weeks.  I've been able to get out on the weekends with some of the girls and stay at Emanuel House with Adrienne.  We've hung out, helped with a Saturday morning kids club, spoke TONS of Spanish (my comprehension is getting better...my speaking, however, notsomuch, but I'm workin' on it!!) and gotten to have some great quality bonding time outside of the walls of SCORE and GAP.  We've even taken some fun Adventures with Adrienne!

 

Saturday morning kids bible class

Adrienne & me.  Not quite sure what I would do without this girl and all the adventures she brings me along on!

yup, here's to the muddiest adventure of them all.  only bit it once or twice but definitely had a blast!

There's nothing like getting out in DR nature!!

I can't believe we're within a month of breaking for the semester.  I hope time has flown as fast for you as it has for me!  Thank you all for your encouraging words, prayers and support!!!  I truly am having the TIME OF MY LIFE!!  

And if anyone is feeling generous over the holidays, you can still donate support to me and some of my friends!  My good friend Adrienne is raising money to start a children's library at her school and can always use more Spanish Children's books (you can check out her blog here!!), there are still children in the schools and orphanages that SCORE works with that need sponsors (www.scoresponsor.org)  Let me know if God is stirring your hearts and I'll see what we can do!!

¡Gracias & Adios!