I have grown so much in the past year, but while reading this entry every word was so true that I thought I'd share it:
9/27: Alone time with God
So for the eGroup Retreat Sunday Chapel they gave us 40 minutes to be alone & still before God. When I think of being still & silent, I just think that opening my bible is sometimes a distraction -- so I left it aside.
I knew this alone time fell on my birthday for a reason -- so I wanted to focus on the intent of that & boy did God show me some great truths. I saw how God is sometimes completely intentional & unintentional. Somtimes he orchestrates the moment, and other times he uses the moment for His good.
I saw Him there the day I was born. Choosing September 27th, as the day I would enter the world -- I saw Him there at every birthday -- keeping an eye over me -- making sure I didn't mess up since I wasn't walking with Him yet. I saw Him gently orchestrating moments & knowing what was to come in my life. I saw him watching me as I chose to sin, knowing that it was a part of my life He couldn't control, & being sad forme...but then sadness turned to joy because of how He worked it out next.
He began removing the sin, in turn, to break my heart and while my heart was broken he started to bring the pieces of my heart & life back together. Slowly rearranging those pieces...& though my heart wasn't completely healed and whole, it was complete enough. God started to knock on those broken pieces of my heart...that splintered door...gently...as to not break it any more, but to get my attention.
While I was alone and very much broken, He used those around me to begin to reveal Himself. Two of the most unlikly candidates -- complete opposites from me -- He just pulled them into my circle, my life. And from there kept knocking, knocking, knocking. He spoke through them, their actions, their love. He put a desire in my heart to love them & in turn love Him.
Eventually after years of orchestrating, came the day I turned to Him, the day I chose to walk in the light, to be conscious of God's presence in my life & have every day since then.
He was there at the beginning. He was there every day -- protecting my heart as much as He could with sin bombarding me at every corner. He used that for His will, for my sake & will continue to do so -- no matter how many times I mess up.
He had a plan for my life & for the past 28 years. He continues to have a plan for my life & now I have the consciouly look to Him to figure out what that path is. What His ultimate destination is for me -- where I'm supposed to be in this world. What role I'm supposed to play for Him & His Kingdom.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "they are plans for good & not disaster, to give you a future and a hope."
The Lord's plan & timing is perfect, not always for us -- but for Him & the Kingdom which I have to remember. God: Help me use this time of singleness to the best that I can, to draw me closer to you, to help me experience new things & reveal more of your love to me. Help me be content in where I'm at & show me the way you want me to go.
Thank you all for being a part of my life, my journey...although it is far from over. The past 29 years have gone so fast, but I still have so many more to live.
